it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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