all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
