marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize