my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When are your genitals available?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
