I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Randomize
