Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
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He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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