Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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