ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
