glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
