is your mom at the bar?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
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Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
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But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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