$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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