she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
