he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
