Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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