How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
