I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
