Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
