fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
