other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
a search helicopter?!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Less talking, more tequila
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
