SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
