OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
