i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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