I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
