checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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