In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
