Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Randomize
