thus making me awesome and them whores
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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