I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
