rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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