Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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