i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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