It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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