And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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