bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm really busy with my period
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