Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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