Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
