Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
