dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
