I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
