I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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