i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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