dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.