she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
