Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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