put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
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Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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