I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
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A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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