Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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