What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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