that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
