fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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