I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we should paint friendship bongs
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