I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
