are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
