I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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