My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
