I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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