and you said cock pushups were impossible
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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