I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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