Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
