After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
