we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
