We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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