he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize