I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
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He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
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He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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