You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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