That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
